My Life – I'm Still Standing
07:35 @nixfred on X
I'm Still Standing ♪ yeah yeah yeah ♪
There is a particular kind of silence that comes with watching someone you love disappear one memory at a time.
This is not a story about heroism or tragedy. This is a ledger of days.
A personal archive. A field manual. A witness to the daily practice of showing up when showing up is all you have left. No heroes here. No villains either. Just the weight of love measured in laundry loads and medication schedules.
Caregiving with Alzheimer's
📌 Essential Techniques
Connection Not Correction
Meet them where they are, not where you wish they were
Night Terror Response
When night terrors come, answer the feeling not the question
Daily Ledger
The Hardest Decision NEW
November 2025 - Sometimes stepping back is the only way forward
Connection Not Correction
August 7, 2025 - Meet them where they are, not where you wish they were
Defending Independence
August 7, 2025 - Simplifying is not babying, it is defending their independence
I'll Remember For You Dad
July 13, 2025 - It's not memory loss anymore it's identity collapse
When Anger Is Actually Grief
June 17, 2025 - He used to fly planes, build houses, dive off high boards
Night Terrors
April 30, 2025 - That memory still owns the night
The Day He Forgot My Name
But remembered the dog we had in 1987
404 Errors in Human Form
When the neural pathways return "file not found"
Night Shift
3 AM is when the real conversations happen
System Crash
When Medicare meets reality
Themes & Patterns
Communication
Validate feelings, not logic
Environment
Simple, visible, reachable
Identity
Remember for them
Night Care
The 3 AM reality
Self Care
You can't pour from empty
Photos & Video
920 followers
\ \ nixfred\ \ 774 posts · 920 followers\ \
When Alzheimer’s patents get mad and argue there is no reason to argue back. If you find yourself getting angry you need some time to recover and might be overwhelmed.
Listening to my dad yell and get frustrated daily has taught me that I may never argue with anyone else ever again.
Calm wins.
There is no winning in an arguement and my father has shown me this again and again.
920 followers
\ \ nixfred\ \ 774 posts · 920 followers\ \
Dad and his brother about ta drop a fresh new single. (Updated version)
Original audio
\ \ nixfred\ \ 774 posts · 920 followers\ \
My dad was a private pilot and owned a dozen planes. He suffers from Alzheimer’s but always talks about flying so we decided to take him up one last time while we could.
“The Final Approach”.
920 followers
\ \ nixfred\ \ 774 posts · 920 followers\ \
I have seen the bottom and know what it looks like. Once you’ve seen it you stop fearing it.
Original audio
\ \ nixfred\ \ 774 posts · 920 followers\ \
Alzheimer’s care is about connection, not correction. Familiar sights, sounds, and routines can anchor a person more than logic ever will. Meet them where they are, not where you wish they’d be.
\ \ nixfred\ \ 774 posts · 920 followers\ \
Dad loves “getting out”. Damn Alzheimer’s.
\ \ nixfred\ \ 774 posts · 920 followers\ \
Fred and Fred on Fred’s 81st birthday.
Dad Alzheimer's Updates
August 7, 2025
Connection Not Correction
Alzheimer's care is about connection, not correction...
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Takeaway: Familiar routines anchor better than logic. Meet them where they are, not where you wish they were.
Alzheimer's care is about connection, not correction. Familiar sights, sounds, and routines can anchor a person more than logic ever will. Meet them where they are, not where you wish they were.
Original audio
\ \ nixfred\ \ 774 posts · 920 followers\ \
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Alzheimer'sDadCaregivingConnection
August 7, 2025
Defending Independence
Choices are empowering, but too many choices overwhelm...
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Takeaway: Simplify choices to 2-3 visible options. Everything accessible, nothing hidden.
Choices are empowering, but too many choices overwhelm.
I set up a table in the hallway outside Dad's room with three piles: shorts, pants, underwear.
No wrong choices, everything matches. No digging through his closet or drawers. All the clothing he needs is visible and easy to reach.
He likes to change often. He is still modest but trips to the mailbox in those ♥️ underwear is still a thing.
For shoes: one pair of slip-ons and one pair of flip-flops. No laces. No belts. Both are super frustrating.
Simple, visible, reachable. Self reliance.
With Alzheimer's, simplifying is not babying, it is defending their independence.
A calm, clear, and clean environment soothes the mind.
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Alzheimer'sDadCaregivingIndependence
July 13, 2025
I'll Remember For You Dad
It's not memory loss anymore it's identity collapse...
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Takeaway: When they ask "Who are you?", answer with reassurance: "I'm your son, you are safe."
Dad doesn't know his name.
Dad doesn't know what year it is.
Dad doesn't know where he lives.
Doesn't know his wife.
Can't tell you what day it is.
He looks at me like a stranger…
"Who are you?"
I tell him calmly and a lot:
"I'm your son, you are safe."
It's not memory loss anymore it's identity collapse.
There's no recognition…there's only fear and blank stares
Yet he's still in there.
It's in his eyes.
In the way he cries and says "thank you" after I remind him who he is 15x.
In the way his body relaxes when I say….
"You are safe and I'm not going anywhere."
That's a win now.
No lucidity. No improvements coming.
Just one moment where Dad isn't scared.
"I'll remember for you Dad."
That's the job.
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Alzheimer'sDadCaregiving
June 17, 2025
When Anger Is Actually Grief
He used to fly planes, build houses, dive off high boards...
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Takeaway: When they're angry, validate the emotion not the logic. "I know you can. You're my hero."
Dad has Alzheimer's.
He used to fly planes, build houses, dive off high boards.
Now he screams, I can't do a damn thing!
Here's what I've learned about caregiving when they're angry, scared, and slipping away.
Today he is very angry...its been a hell of a day.
When he says:
I can fly a damn plane but I can't walk out this door!
He's not just mad.
He's grieving the man he was.
The instinct to argue or explain doesn't help.
Instead, say:
I know you can. You always could. You're my hero.
Validate the emotion not the logic.
Arguing reality makes the spiral worse and they wont ever be a breakthrough to make it better.
Honor what they feel then shift the moment.
He said:
I don't have a damn thing I can do.
I said:
Let's go for a walk...you, me and the dog!
Don't say: You have Alzheimer's.
Say:
That cloud in your head? That frustration? That's the sickness and I sure do love you, right here right now.
Name the enemy but keep your parent the hero.
Sometimes he lashes out at my mom:
She can't do anything either!
This is projection.
He's seeing his own loss in her.
Don't defend, reframe:
Mom wants to go places too. She's doing her best. We all are.
Offer choices that preserve dignity...even small ones.
You want to go for a ride in the car or a walk with the dog?
They may feel trapped.
Let them feel some control.
Today he said:
You don't let me do a damn thing!
Don't get defensive:
You built this house. You've done more than anyone I know. We're just keeping it safe now.
Honor the legacy. Less explaining...more anchoring in the Present and senses.
Photos. Memories. Grandkids. Car rides. Routines.
And sometimes… just silence and a hand on the shoulder.
You cant fix it.
But you can bring them to the Present.
Here's the framework I use daily:
-Validate feelings
-Avoid correcting memory
-Offer short-term choices
-Name the disease, not the person
-Celebrate who they were
-Stay calm, stay close
-Be Present
You won't always get it right.
But they feel your presence.
Even through the fog that gets through.
That counts.
Alzheimer'sDadCaregivingAnger
April 30, 2025
Night Terrors
My dad had night terrors again last night...
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Takeaway: During night terrors, don't try to wake them. Stay close, speak softly, remind them they're safe.
Dad Alzheimer's Update
Dad had night terrors again last night.
He was 9yo when he and my uncle found their father, a police officer, shot and murdered. That moment shattered his childhood and rewired his life.
Now, 73 years later, that memory still owns the night.
When the night terrors come, nothing wakes him. He screams and cries out like a child. With Alzheimer's, there is no exaggeration or acting it's real to him. His doctor told me, "When he's in that state, he might as well be back there again."
And where he's going is 1953.
He tells me the story for hours. This time it lasted from 3am to 6am. Some of the details are right, some are not. But it is his truth in that moment. I cry too.
He talks about how hard life became after his father's murder. There were no fallen officer programs in the 1950s. No counseling. No support. You just sucked it up. His mother worked 2 jobs to raise 2 little boys on her own. That trauma never left him. It is still sharp in his mind. There are no gaps in that memory. He remembers it all.
There is a rhythm to life with Alzheimer's, suffering followed by silence.
Im not going anywhere.
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Alzheimer'sDadNight TerrorsTrauma
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